Every time you pleasure yourself, you make the world a better place!
Or so says Mama Gena. I really ought to know better than to watch the freebie programs on digital cable, particularly the ones called "Womanly Arts 101," but my curiosity sometimes gets the better of me. It's not as if I expected it to be educational, entertaining, or worthwhile in any other respect, yet I didn't stop watching it. Which I should have from the cringeworthy beginning, when Mama Gena walked out onto the leg-wax-infomercial-style set and yelled, "Hello, Sister Goddesses!" Man, what I wouldn't do to get those eight minutes of my life back.
Anyways, it turns out that the reason my life sucks is that I don't spend enough time seeking my own pleasure. And learning to do so is not as simple as just discovering how to saturate my EIGHT THOUSAND PLEASURE-SENSITIVE NERVE ENDINGS with sensual stimulation. No, it also involves manipulating men and bragging a lot. You know, pretty much anything I can do to make myself the center of my attention. Mama Gena has uncovered the heartbreaking tragedy of modern feminine existence: we're not self-centered enough. Whodathunkit?
The situation is actually worse than you think, because it turns out that it's my lack of self-centeredness that is making the rest of the world suck too:
The great news in all of this is that for just $4,950, any woman can learn how to be as self-centered as she needs to be to make the rest of the world happy! Some incentives and tuition breaks are available for those not wealthy enough to embrace their fabulousness. This should remove any doubts you had about Mama Gena's devotion to the mission of mass-turbation. Er, I mean, accepting our inner goddess. Or something.
I'm thinking it might be worth five large just to see if perhaps my writing skills could ascend to these heights once I get all goddess-y.
Or so says Mama Gena. I really ought to know better than to watch the freebie programs on digital cable, particularly the ones called "Womanly Arts 101," but my curiosity sometimes gets the better of me. It's not as if I expected it to be educational, entertaining, or worthwhile in any other respect, yet I didn't stop watching it. Which I should have from the cringeworthy beginning, when Mama Gena walked out onto the leg-wax-infomercial-style set and yelled, "Hello, Sister Goddesses!" Man, what I wouldn't do to get those eight minutes of my life back.
Anyways, it turns out that the reason my life sucks is that I don't spend enough time seeking my own pleasure. And learning to do so is not as simple as just discovering how to saturate my EIGHT THOUSAND PLEASURE-SENSITIVE NERVE ENDINGS with sensual stimulation. No, it also involves manipulating men and bragging a lot. You know, pretty much anything I can do to make myself the center of my attention. Mama Gena has uncovered the heartbreaking tragedy of modern feminine existence: we're not self-centered enough. Whodathunkit?
The situation is actually worse than you think, because it turns out that it's my lack of self-centeredness that is making the rest of the world suck too:
By helping you tap into the very center of your pleasure and helping you learn to speak the language of your desires, we will teach you how use the power of pleasure to have your way with the world. By fanning the flames of your desires, you open the door to pleasure and fun for everyone. Your desires spring forth, and your life changes; your life changes, and the world follows suit - this is the magnificence and power of a lit-up woman.
The great news in all of this is that for just $4,950, any woman can learn how to be as self-centered as she needs to be to make the rest of the world happy! Some incentives and tuition breaks are available for those not wealthy enough to embrace their fabulousness. This should remove any doubts you had about Mama Gena's devotion to the mission of mass-turbation. Er, I mean, accepting our inner goddess. Or something.
I'm thinking it might be worth five large just to see if perhaps my writing skills could ascend to these heights once I get all goddess-y.
posted by Jackie at 12:57 PM
4 Comments:
ok - i'm not quite sure how to comment on this one.
suffice to say, i'm conflicted.
and i'm not sure i could come up with a curiouser entry than this.
note: i can barely read the letters i'm supposed to type in so i can log a comment. what's the over/under how many comments i can log before i mess that up?
She scares me a lot. I especially dig the part where they brag on her having been a spokeswoman for KY's Warming Liquid.
My favorite part:
she provides a blueprint for creating an equal partnership with a man that reflects and enhances you, that brings you and your beloved the kind of intimacy and ecstasy that you long for and so rightfully deserve.
Women have been in charge of men since the dawn of time, they just didn't have the right instruction manual.
hey - don't knock the warming liquid.
much better than ice cold.
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