I think a lot about whether I'm doing the right thing in working full time, rather than quitting my job so I can stay home with the girls. Even more so this week, since their daycare is closed and I'm on "vacation" from work so I can stay with them.
Although I mostly work for the money, I also work for myself. I like what I do...I like contributing to a team that produces products that help people. I like talking to grownups about things other than children.
I also work because I like the environment my girls are in at daycare...I know they have more fun than they do with me, and I like the fact that they are learning from an early age how to interact with their peers. Julia is a shy child, and given that her father and I were both shy children, I expect Maddie to be the same way. I found new social situations paralyzing for many years. I really do think that being in daycare from an early age will help my girls be more open to interaction that they might otherwise find threatening.
Still, there's this nagging sense that in working full time, I'm not selfless enough. I don't know whether that comes from listening to too many self-righteous stay-at-home moms who think their choice is the only appropriate one for a mother, or from the steady stream of mommyguilt that is somehow activated the first time you hold your child in your arms. On my worst days, I fear that it's an expression of an instinct I should be listening to but am too selfish or afraid to.
So where I'm at now is where I've always been: I'm not absolutely sure I'm doing the right thing now, and I probably wouldn't be if I did quit and stay home with the girls, either.
Articles like this one reinforce my inertia, either fortunately or unfortunately, in that it delineates dispassionately the various arguments for and against full-time work. This is the most interesting part to me:
I guess it's like anything in life--you just try to make the best decision you can, and be open to changing it if it turns out you were wrong. It's just that the stakes are so high.
Although I mostly work for the money, I also work for myself. I like what I do...I like contributing to a team that produces products that help people. I like talking to grownups about things other than children.
I also work because I like the environment my girls are in at daycare...I know they have more fun than they do with me, and I like the fact that they are learning from an early age how to interact with their peers. Julia is a shy child, and given that her father and I were both shy children, I expect Maddie to be the same way. I found new social situations paralyzing for many years. I really do think that being in daycare from an early age will help my girls be more open to interaction that they might otherwise find threatening.
Still, there's this nagging sense that in working full time, I'm not selfless enough. I don't know whether that comes from listening to too many self-righteous stay-at-home moms who think their choice is the only appropriate one for a mother, or from the steady stream of mommyguilt that is somehow activated the first time you hold your child in your arms. On my worst days, I fear that it's an expression of an instinct I should be listening to but am too selfish or afraid to.
So where I'm at now is where I've always been: I'm not absolutely sure I'm doing the right thing now, and I probably wouldn't be if I did quit and stay home with the girls, either.
Articles like this one reinforce my inertia, either fortunately or unfortunately, in that it delineates dispassionately the various arguments for and against full-time work. This is the most interesting part to me:
And that was even more striking when viewed along with the survey's primary finding — that fully 60 percent of working mothers now say part-time work is their ideal rather than full-time, compared to 48 percent a decade ago.That ideal is not tenable in today's work environment. I wonder: will we move in that direction? Would it ultimately benefit businesses to be able to offer parents jobs at reduced hours with full benefits? I know that I thought 30-hour weeks were much easier to live with than 40-hour weeks. For me, psychologically there was just something more palatable about being with my children three days a week (vs. four when I wasn't) than being with them two days a week (vs. five when I'm not).
I guess it's like anything in life--you just try to make the best decision you can, and be open to changing it if it turns out you were wrong. It's just that the stakes are so high.
posted by Jackie at 11:32 AM
3 Comments:
Very interesting article, Jackie. Part time seemed the perfect solution for Rick and I, and I was very disappointed that it was not even an option for me. The worst part is how much they bragged about being all about "quality of life outside the firm" and "family-friendliness". Let me tell you there is not such a thing in a two-lawyer household, especially if they are both in private practice. So my decision to quit work was not entirely my own, and I constantly worry about whether I will regret it. I don't right now, while I sit around waiting for this baby come, but afterwards, I might, especially after the full effects of losing one whole income are known. It's a tough decision.
It sounds like you have made a well-thought out decision, and that your girls would be happy either way, so don't second-guess yourself. We all have to do what we have to do. :)
That ideal (part time work) is tenable (I dont know what that means, I assume it means realistic) in today's workforce.
At least it is with companies like mine. We have 3 new mothers who work 3 days a week, all of them kept their benefits.
I'm assuming it's not the norm, but I have little doubt in my mind that more companies will offer this in the future.
Go moms!
Don't feel bad about working. Yes, when you have kids your life changes. But there's no need for it to stop. Everything you do revolves around your children as soon as you find you're pregnant - you need to be able to focus on something else. Even if it is just a few hours a day.
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